Lessons

Love is a lot like the dealer in a casino.
He's seen so many patrons go bankrupt in his game
that he finds himself unmoved by individual heartache.
So after a great interaction where you've tipped Love multiple times,
 shared jokes, and built up trust,
you finally go all in and put your heart on the ultimate bet.

And when you lose it all,
Love will simply shrug his shoulders, give you an apologetic smile,
                      and wish you better luck next time.

Specks

It wasn't enough to leave my heart in pieces,
You had to stomp on the pieces until all that was left
Was dust.

Tempo

We are two broken records
still trying to harmonize over
the sounds of my aching heart.

What's Left Unclaimed

I have lost bets
and poker hands
and often the remote,
but none so frustrating
as losing the pieces of myself
I'll never get back,
dropped like breadcrumbs
on a path
I believed so fiercely to be
the road home.

Beliefs

They say worry is a waste of imagination
and these broken fragments--
these fragments of memory that broke me once
stick inside my heart like fiber glass

I must find a way to shake them loose
before this heart is nothing but scraps

Please don't make a fool of me.

Education

I am a teacher.

I teach juniors in high school, and contrary to what a pedophile may try to argue with you, I will tell you right now that high school kids are exactly that. They are kids. Children masquerading in adult masks. They still live with a parent. They can't see rated R movies without sneaking in or going with someone old enough. They still have sleep overs. Being smart is still uncool. They're inappropriate and mean and wonderful and lovely. They are kids. I would even argue that someone who is 18 is still a child. That child may be budding into adulthood, but they currently still know jack shit about life. I know this because I am 26 and still currently pretty much know jack shit about life. But my life experience has shown me that I should be in awe of knowing so little. An open vessel waiting to absorb life's secrets. A teenager knows absolutely nothing but believes to their core that they know everything.

So I constantly find myself in awkward and amusing situations as I try my best to be a teacher who loves all her kids, and loves them all more than she loves English. I feel too little secondary teachers teach with this kind of gentle love- and I find it fundamental to teaching. As I said above, high school kids are kids. Many teachers are so hard handed, and act as though the children they teach are, in fact, adults. Being as I can't even say "ass" in my class without a chorus of "ooooooooh!!!" makes it hard for me to fathom why so many teachers forget this basic concept- but I am also a novice, and will not pretend I know more than those who have been in this profession for you know, more than a year.

I believe there is no other job as rewarding as teaching. As having the privilege and chance to alter the course of someone's life for the better. To tell them they can when they have been told by others they can't- to make them laugh when they truly believe their world is crumbling (and sometimes, it really is).  I feel too many teachers treat teenage turmoil with an attitude of "it's not a big deal, get over it already!"- forgetting that as kids, they can't. I see them and think "shit that sucks. I've been there, it gets better!! Don't give up! It feels like the end but I can promise it isn't! Hang in there!"

I used to feel ashamed that I'm not in love with Shakespeare and that I don't think kids should be required to read half the stuff we make them read. I still feel ashamed at times, because I feel judged for thinking that reading should still be fun in high school. But it should! What better way to give them encouragement to learn than to give them interesting material and make them do rigorous work with it? To have them write zombie research papers so they can practice the writing style and process before tackling harder topics. To read complex books like The Hunger Games and learn how reading is more than just enjoying a novel, it's about connecting what you read to your own experiences and learning how it incorporates the world around us.

I want to make kids remember how lovely books are, how breathtaking learning is, and how amazing living is. And I just hope other teachers out there feel this way too. If not, perhaps I am capable of rekindling that flame.

Maybe one day I'll see that "fire is catching."

Monsoons

When the first Arizona rainfall of the year
hits the sidewalks
my students dance in raindrops
as if it were the first time they've felt a storm.

I envy the sky
as it keeps my students' attention
no Twitter
no texting
just smiles and awe

My new years resolution
                      let me teach like the first monsoon.